Showing posts with label Fiskars. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fiskars. Show all posts

Monday, October 15, 2018

Game On

We worked in our garage last weekend, on what were, I believe, the last two hot days of the year. Isn't that how it can go sometimes? The garage organization is really the last big piece to fall into place at the new house. In 2017, I stumbled onto a blog post that showed using The Container Store elfa System and fell in love with it. It then became a cat and mouse game of getting it designed and waiting for their fall sale that offers the discount on installation as well as the elfa shelving. We got to the purchase point and then installation day came and went, and we were left to work in the garage on our days off to get all of the items put into their new home. And oh my mercy, do I love my new garage storage system, or what? I may have gone out and just stared at it a few days this week.

But sometimes the getting to where you want to be from where you are involves a little blood, sweat, and tears. In this garage organization project, surprisingly, it involved two of the three. If I bled, I don't remember it. See, sitting in my garage, waiting to be gone through and dealt with for years now, were about 5 bins of memorabilia. These bins of memorabilia were in our last garage, so it's not like I haven't been avoiding the obvious for years now. But, right sizing the house has us dealing with things that a big expansive home can hide and handle. Less square footage? You prioritize and deal, and purge and divest. 

And while Steve triaged the bins of actual items to stay in the garage and sorted out what was already quasi-organized into a seasonal sort of semblance, I sat with my bum knee, and he would bring me bins to go through. I think one bin held both 4K and 12th grade for my oldest son, and some years in between. That bin was certainly one to go through. Not only did I deal with school and art work, I dealt with years and years of Christmas cards. It's amazing how the range of emotions can be connected to seeing a card from a long deceased aunt, or  neighbors from 1999, or high school friends from the 1980's. 

And while I sat in that hot, steamy garage working through all of these pieces of paper and the memories and emotions associated with them,  I actually had moments of just recalling and remembering our various homes and our various garages. Quite candidly I will advise you - never go from a home with a three car garage to a home with a two car garage! Those three car garages spoil you! We have had attached garages, detached garages, the old house in McAllen with NO garage {this was the worst!}; all of the garages were two car garages, with our prior home being the exception with that beautiful third bay. 

Some of these garages held two cars, and not much more. Some of these garages held tricycles and that battery operated Jeep the boys were so cute riding around in. Some of these garages held bicycles that we used to condition ourselves for the walking on our first trip to Walt Disney World. Some of these garages held ski equipment and golf equipment and lots of tools, all seldom used, but somewhat necessary to hang onto. And one of these garages momentarily held a ping pong table.

I will confess that I love giving surprises. I love giving what is on a wish list, but I like to throw in a little extra. And one year I got the brilliant idea that the boys should get a ping pong table for Christmas. This was exactly what they needed as a surprise gift! And ever the adoring husband, he supported my surprise. I envisioned lots of ping pong games, and laughter, and time together. The boys were still in middle school, and we were often the gathering place for their friends. This would be perfect, yes?

Well, in the mayhem that followed Christmas Day, we didn't get around to putting it together until New Years Eve {and by we I mean they}. ;-) And at the time, the only place it would fit was in the garage. It was a fun evening. I remember it was, of course, cold in the garage, but the boys were interested and helpful to their dad and the three of them quickly got it put together. 

They were funny to watch play. Steve and I both come from families that love to game and compete, and win. Competitiveness is bred into our sons, I guess. I especially love the grimace I caught on Philip's face in the photo on the right. Seems like he might have just been bested on that shot, or was working up some fierce serve. We played off and on that New Years Eve, and after Steve's schedule settled down, the ping pong table made its way up to the boys' retreat. It dominated the room. The boys at this point had taken over the family media room and watched their TV and movies and gamed in there, so the ping pong table commandeering their retreat was fine.

I didn't expect the ping pong table to be such a flop though. It was. It was a catch all for things. The electronics' siren call dominated the time, and it wasn't often that you could hear the cadence of the ball going back and forth, and ultimately bounding onto the hardwood floor and skittering around. Unretrieved ping pong balls became the cat's toys, and were often accidentally squished under the size 12 shoes that bounded around up there. If someone did want to play, it was hard to find those ping pong balls that had been neglected and more than likely squished.

Sometimes you try something and it isn't what you expect, or it doesn't turn out like you planned. When I was younger, guessing incorrectly would have bothered me more. While this ping pong table reality didn't leave up to my fantasies about it, it's no big deal. The times we used it and had fun with it were worth the hassle and inconvenience of carting it upstairs, and ultimately back down. 

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. You can never know until you try. And if modeling anything to my sons was paramount, it was that it was okay to try new things. And succeed. Or fail. It was okay to adapt and adjust. And in life, you sometimes need to just roll up your shirtsleeves and try. You might win or you might lose, but you get one shot at this thing called life. You may as well go for it. Game on.

Ping Pong ~ Garage Gaming ~ December 31, 2009 


Sketch Credit: Scrapbook Generation
Paper: Simple Stories
Title: Silhouette cut file

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Gratitude and the Fullness of Life

Time is a funny thing. It has intervals, but cannot really be measured. It takes up space, and yet is invisible. It is priceless, and yet cannot be bought. As I recall the absolute swirl that November has been, I am humbled by this caretaker of our lives, this fickle and persnickety Father Time. He masters all and answers to none. And he marches on. One week ago today I spent my next to last day as a 50 year old. Two weeks ago today, Paris and all of Europe was normal. Three weeks ago today, my sister-in-law woke up at the age of 50 for the first time. Time is fleeting and fast, and is not sure beneath our step. 

As I pause in preparation for our national day of Thanksgiving in America, I ponder that this is the first year where neither of our sons will be home, and I ponder that this is the first year that my brother-in-law maneuvers his way through his first holiday without his life partner, and I ponder that we all live on a thin line, walking that fine wire between yes and no, today and tomorrow, here and gone.

Since turning 50 last November, I have lived in as much a state as humanly possible of awareness, of presence, of seizing moments, of living fully. As that year has slipped away and now vanished, I am not sure I was aware enough, present enough, captive enough. I don't know to what degree it is even attainable. I saw some photographs recently of Steve this time last year, fresh from the hospital, dealing with a stint, not well and the tell being in his eyes. I look at him closely each day, as if trying to view with my naked eye his insides and assess his health. I want there to be enough. I want there to be more. Of everything.

And yet time mocks me, letting me know that will never be the case, that it is impossible, that I am only given this day, this moment, this breath, this thought, this second. My sweet sister-in-law Susan knew that fully. Battling cancer, faced with obstacles daily in limits that varied, she chose joy and emitted hope. Up to hours before her surgery, one that would take her life ultimately, she looked death in the eye and was courageous and without fear, letting her hospital staff know she was in the best hands, the hands of the Great Physician. I cannot really shake the calm calculating reality of her unquenchable faith, in what would be seen by many as her darkest hour. But, I can try to attain to it, to grasp it, to nurture it. 

As I navigate my days, I think of life from Susan's perspective. Not in a morbid way, but in a way that sees each day as a gift. I think, ironically, of the Disney movie "Cinderella", the live action one. I think not of the pumpkin to carriage, but I think of the long suffering Ella, sleeping on cinders, serving stepsisters, smiling with her companions, showing joy and happiness amidst it all. I think of the scene where her own mother tells her goodbye, of admonishing young Ella to "have courage and be kind." And I see that paradigm as the lens through which Susan lived her last year and a half. While she battled cancer, she chose daily to have courage and be kind. We are so thankful that the cancer did not claim victory over her. We grieve immensely over the misfortune of her aortic dissection, but choose joy in that breaking of her heart as claiming her life versus the poisoned cells inside her. I think that is why Susan could sign "I love you" and wave goodbye as she lay there intubated -- she knew cancer was not winning, but that she was winning.

I read this scripture the night of her viewing, searching for some distraction from the ever present visual, seeking some encouragement from a faith that spans four decades:
 "Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God." - Colossians 3:1-3
I have gone through my days following her death in the normal fashion: work, leisure, sleep, repeat. But my mind has not really stopped processing her passing. I think of her loved ones - my family - left behind daily, praying incessantly for our healing and peace, for the holes in daily lives to fill over with joy and warm memories. But I think mostly of her looking down the barrel of the shotgun she faced, and staring it down unflinchingly. I think of the courage it took for her to acknowledge the need to say goodbye, and to be okay in saying it. I think of the gift of her signing I love you over and over to her family, a final message that could stand the test of time, and give heart to those fainting under the weight of grief. Yes, her mind was on things above.

I do not mean to be all macabre on this eve of counting our blessings. I mean it more than anything to be a message of intense hope, a message of counting the greatest blessing of all - of being sure of your salvation, of being surrounded by those you love, of being alive and present in this moment. Even though my boys are not here, and I am not in my home, or actually a house, I am more grateful this year than in any other previous November. Our hope is not fixed on this earth, but on things above, and toward that end, I look for gratitude in life, for gratitude in all things.

I found this quote today and wanted to share it:
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend."  -- Melody Beattie
My hope for you this Thanksgiving is that no matter where you are, no matter what you eat, no matter who you are with, may this day be a season of intense gratitude in your life, a moment where you can see that all good things are from above, that love has been lavished on you, that our hope is eternal. May you have a day where you remember all that has been done for you, and reflect on the fullness of your life. May the coming year be one where you have acceptance, order, clarity...and where you can see the abundance in your life, the overflowing goodness.

This layout shows our last Thanksgiving spent at Murphy Manor. We didn't know at the time that it would be our last Thanksgiving there. And here's the deal - we never know our last anything. Never. Take in the richness of this moment, and savor the blessings of the season. Look around you and see - you, too, have overflowing goodness in your life.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. Be blessed.

Overflowing Goodness ~ Thanksgiving ~ November 2014



Sketch Credit: Scrapbook Generation 
Paper: Basic Grey
Title Font: Rochester

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Happy Birthday, Mom!



The absolute best part about moving and now having a 30 minute commute, instead of my former 10-12 minute commute, is that I have my daily momma time again. For the 7 years that I drove across town to west Dallas, I would spend that hour driving on the phone with my mom. And when I left that job and started my wonderful job that is 3 miles from our house in Murphy, I sorely missed those long chatty drives I took with my mom. Now, serendipitously, I get back just enough chat time to hear all the good stuff. And since my older sister retired, I am banking on keeping all of the days for me instead of splitting them with her, as we did last school year. ;-) We will see Monday when that east Texas school bell rings how my retired librarian sister manages her phone time with mom. I'm thinking early bird gets the worm. Ha.

One never knows the stories you will hear when one talks to my mom. On the last three phone conversations I have had with her {Thursday morning, Thursday evening, and Friday morning} I have heard the same story about her big decision on whether or not to get a perm now, or wait until October. It's cute, because the story stays identical almost in each iteration, and I chuckle inwardly at her quandary over the long lasting durability of her perm, and timing it just right for our next Girls Weekend, which is in December. In Florida. {Yes!! But, that is another story for another day.} See, mom is trying to time her perm so that it will be "just right" for our next Girls Weekend together. I always tease everyone that my own hair issues have deep roots. They stem from my mom being a beautician before she was a mom, and all of us girls having hair situations regularly while growing up. But I cannot fault her for deliberating over timing. Durned if I don't still do it myself, even with my short carefree and easy cut.

Today's phone conversation started with me wishing my mom HAPPY BIRTHDAY. She rejected my wish, stating matter of factly, "Well, today is the day I was born, but it's not my birthday." See, about 10 years ago, mother needed a copy of her birth certificate for some legal matter, and in the procurement of that, my dear sweet mom, youngest baby girl of nine children, discovered that she was in fact born on August twenty-FIRST. For over 50 years, she had celebrated her birthday on August twenty-SECOND. And she decided on that day of discovery that she was keeping her celebration day on the 22nd, and just let that 21st day remain on the ignored list. I have teased her most years since then on the 21st. But this morning's response was by far one of the best ones I've ever received. I told her, "Well, mom, just how many people can say that?!" We both had a good laugh. 

{And mom, I am writing this ON the 21st and setting it to post just after midnight today, which will be on the 22nd, so that you will get the email ON the 22nd. So, I am saying Happy Birthday on your birthday, and you will get it on your birthday. And I know you will think about all of that for a little bit.} ;-)

And mom, even though I gave you your gift earlier, I meant to send you a card, but I, in my full fledged 50-year-old mind could not remember to do it, still being in the swirl of getting Andrew off....But maybe this will make up for it. This is a poem I found by Debbie Burrous and it makes me think of you, and it makes my eyes leak a little, too.

A Poem For Mom

You are the sunlight in my day,
You are the moon I see far away.
You are the tree I lean upon,
You are the one that makes troubles be gone.
You are the one who taught me life,
How not to fight, and what is right.
You are the words inside my song,
You are my love, my life, my mom.
You are the one who cares for me,
You are the eyes that help me see.
You are the one who knows me best,
When it's time to have fun and time to rest.
You are the one who has helped me to dream,
You hear my heart and you hear my screams.
Afraid of life but looking for love,
I'm blessed for God sent you from above.
You are my friend, my heart, and my soul
You are the greatest friend I know.
You are the words inside my song,
You are my love, my life, my Mom.
I love you more every day, and I am so excited to celebrate your 78th year, in my 50th year to be in existence on your birthday. I can't wait to hear about your day and I'll even be happy to hear the perm story again. But even beyond that, I am looking forward to our big trip together in December, while remembering fondly our weekend together in April. 

I am blessed by you, and the gift of my sisters. It is wonderful to be in the presence of beautiful souls, and it is phenomenal to know that you are all my family, my friends. I love every day spent with you, and like weekends, there are never enough of them to satisfy me. I love you! Happy Birthday, Mom!

Beautiful Souls ~ Girls Weekend ~ April 26, 2015



Sketch Credit: Scrapbook Generation
Paper: Echo Park
Title Fonts: Lavenderia

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Buzz and Woody

I have on my lofty To Do list the project of scanning all of my film negatives into jpegs. I know it sounds crazy, and it's not an easy task and that is why I haven't yet started it. But, it's moments like the one above that make me want to. I have a big stack of negatives and would never have the patience to ferret through them to find that photo. I ended up popping it out of one of my albums from 1998 and scanning it. It's grainy, and that makes me sad, but in a pinch it'll do. The memory comes through. Maybe one day I can reprint this picture in its full glory.

We were never too big on Halloween. I told my husband the other day that I was really glad I wasn't living in the Pinterest-DIY crazed days. These gals today really are under the pressure to put out the dog, so to speak, on anything children related. I saw on my Facebook feed last month some amazing over the top Valentine boxes. I don't think I could have held up under the pressure! Now, the first Halloween for each of my sons my mom did sew the costumes. But, after that, I was walking into brick and mortars, like everyone else, and looking for something halfway striking on the shelves.

The year that Disney rolled out the Buzz and Woody play suits, I knew to snatch them up. I don't recall so much the night of Trick or Treating, per se, but I can tell you that the costumes stayed around for awhile and the boys played in them countless times. Andrew had this funny deep voice he developed to talk to Buzz. And when Philip was wearing the costume, Andrew only called him Buzz. Boy, did he stay in character. I think that hat is still in my attic. I'm not entirely sure. I have a hard time letting go. In my mind, I never would have said yes, but sometimes Steve vetoes me based on the condition something is in. So, if it's not up there, he pitched it. I put that hat away many a time.

The boys have always played well together. We moved them four times - four cities, four houses - and they are 16 months apart, so it was natural for them to have each other to play with, and those bonding moments when we were somewhere new and knew only each other were pivotal, I think. There was a short span of time here and there where they took some breathers - time they needed to adapt to the ever changing person they were becoming. The end of the middle school years got a little rough. But, they were rough on us all, and I am so glad we all got through those years, intact and still loving each other.

When they were younger, they were tow-headed blondes. As infants, you could see slight traces of red at the roots, but it gave way quickly to blonde, and I never dreamed they would both be redheads. I loved them as little blonde boys, and I love them more as redheaded young men. The oldest is in Nashville now, about to wrap up his second year of college, and the youngest is in Denver, about to wrap up his first year of college. We are all adapted now to this new normal, I think. Oh, of course, I wish I saw them more. I try with grace to accept the time we are together, and I try with grace to accept the big lulls in between communication and not take personally the unanswered texts. I keep thinking they are working their way through another phase, finding themselves in a new normal, and they'll come back around. {They will, won't they? Someone please say yes.}

Philip is headed to Chicago and Toronto for spring break, and Steve is flying up to do a Colorado road trip with Andrew. See, they are in different schools and have as such different calendars, and their school breaks are off by one week. Philip got home one week before Andrew at Christmas, and Andrew was home one week without Philip, and now, of course, their spring breaks are one week apart, too. I think that is one of the worst facts - that the week we all had together in the spring is no more. But, we have our family vacation planned for May, and I am looking forward to that.

The one 4x6 photo below, the photo of them walking arm in arm, was taken on our family vacation in 2013. It was impromptu, unstaged, in fact I'm sure they weren't aware at the time that I took it. They usually walk ahead of us. I can't keep up with their youth and their long legs. And the other day I was looking through these vacation photos and stumbled upon that one, and knew that I wanted to tell a story of my own Buzz and Woody, and so I went looking through time to find the pictures. 

There is a picture of them at every house they have lived in. They are washing cars at our home in The Woodlands. The Halloween photo was our San Antonio porch. The bluebonnet photo was taken while we lived in McAllen. And that little photo where they are peaking out from the quilt was a moment in this house, when they built a fort upstairs and laughed when I found them. At each phase of their lives they have been there for each other. It makes my heart smile to remember the shows they put on for us, the times I would peer through a window and seem them deep in play outside, the times they would head out to Bible study together, or run to the comic book store together. 

Their running days are limited now to when they are both back here. I know they wouldn't easily admit it, but they miss each other. The day before I stumbled upon that 4x6 photo, we had a text from our younger son, asking to go see his brother on his birthday weekend. And the day after I printed this photo, my oldest son changed his Facebook cover photo to a picture of the two of them playing in the Destin sand in 2007. I didn't even know he had access to that photo. Both incidents warmed my heart, and let me know that, across the miles, through time, and space, they are there for each other.

They have the gift of a natural friendship, the bond of two shared decades, the mix of some common interests and ideas and quirks. No matter what, I think, they will always be that grown up version to each other of Buzz and Woody. You know those two had their strong personalities, too, and made it just fine. I know my boys will, too. Friends from the beginning, and friends to infinity and beyond. They have been my favorite boy story now for two decades. And there's no end in sight for that either.

Boy Story ~ Friends for Life ~ Photos span 1997 - 2013


Sketch Credit: Scrapbook Generation
Paper: October Afternoon, Monbonbon, Kika Digital
Title Font: Gil Sans, Slapstick Comic

Saturday, February 28, 2015

Every Day Together is Wonderful


There is a saying in Texas. There are those that live here that were born here. And there are those that live here that got here as fast as they could. I fall into the first category. And my darling husband falls into the second. I am a proud 5th generation Texan, and when we talk about retiring, I consider other states, but it is really hard for me to contemplate ever leaving my beloved Lone Star State.

Steve has lived here with me now for 27 years, and has come to love my state as much as anyone can. If you were to meet him, you'd never guess him to be a native New Yorker. One of the reasons that he loves Texas so much, I believe, is because of all that the state has to offer in the many regions it has, the warmer climate it offers, and the many types of food you can savor. From the gulf shores to the piney woods to the northern plains to the hill country, there is more to see and do than you can take in.

We first discovered the Texas Hill Country together when we were in our first or second year of marriage. I have pictures of us traveling to Brenham to see the bluebonnets, bearing our little Cocker Spaniel puppy, and I know that was 1988 or 1989. What I don't know is if we had traveled to the hills before that trip. As a child, I am certain I traveled to the area with Girl Scouts, with a grade school friend Trisha to her grandparents' house, and almost certainly with my own family. 

When Steve and I lived in Houston, the Hill Country was a fun 2-3 hour getaway. When the four of us moved to San Antonio, we were blessed to be living in the Hill Country. {These remain some of my favorite years.} When we moved to McAllen, we were 3-4 hours south of the Hill Country, and now, from our home, we are about 4-5 hours. It seems we move farther and farther away from an area we grow to love more and more. I guess that makes visiting it all the richer, and we have always tried to visit it every chance we get.

In 2014, with just one son still at home, who was working most evenings and weekends, it seemed like Steve and I could plan a little getaway for two. We set a date and secured my mom to come babysit Truman, and be on hand in case of any emergency, and set about to find a place to escape. The Hill Country seemed like a natural place to consider, and I was focusing on the Wimberley area. A Google search and some reviews on Trip Advisor led us to the Sage Hill Inn. 

Even though it had rave online reviews, until we stepped onto the property, we couldn't imagine how much we would fall in love with this simple property tucked into the live oaks among the hills south of Austin. It seemed like the misty, fog-wrapped weekend was conspiring with us, inviting us to unwind and relax. The chilly weather kept us indoors, camping out near the fireplace in our room, or the fireplace in the common library. We read, we watched movies, we each had a massage, we sat on the porch and watched rain fall, we had superb meals, we went to bed early, we slept in.

We unwound. We reconnected. We escaped from the tough, in the middle moments between our two back to back graduating seniors. Just looking at these pictures I can remember so many little moments about the trip. While we have been adapting to sending our boys off to college, and adjusting to them not being in our every day lives, it is moments like this that remind me how much Steve and I enjoy each other. How every day together is wonderful. 

I am hopeful that we have at least another twenty years together. I'd really love to beg for thirty. Or even forty. Whatever time we have together is enough. Whatever time we have together is never enough. But, no matter how busy or stressful work can be, or what lies around the corner of life, we are committed to taking each day as it comes, making the most of our story, looking for beauty around us, working to make each one a happy day, knowing that we are adored by the other, reveling in the richness of our love.

Yes, a hill country weekend is wonderful. But, every day is wonderful when you are married to your best friend. We've had 27 wonderful years. Here's hoping for another 27 years, full of wonderful weeks and weekends, be they at home or away. 

Hill Country Weekend ~ Sage Hill Inn, Wimberley, TX ~ March 2014


Sketch Credit: Scrapbook Generation
Paper: Echo Park
Title Font: Ballerina Script

Monday, February 23, 2015

804 Miles from Awesome

  

I have had the rare, but somewhat annual, "snow day" here in North Texas, and am thankful for the free day to catch up on things. I have spent most of the day printing photos from 2012, digging out from the going under of my beloved ScrapbookPictures.com. I bought a personal printer when they folded, but unknowingly abandoned my systemic printing process, and figuring out what is what has been a two month long, slightly nightmarish process. Between the Oscars last night and today, I have printed out over 250 photos, and have had some good times strolling down memory lane. Spending time with my jpeg's is always a delight.

Not only did I have the delight of seeing my boys in the jpegs yesterday, my youngest was actually in town, and I able to see him briefly this weekend. He flew in Thursday night from Denver to be a student leader at the annual in-town retreat this past weekend for the student ministry he was part of while in school here. He is so funny. I got a call Thursday at work from him, which is rare. I could take the call, and so I did, and quickly fielded questions about baggage fees, baggage weight, and carry-ons. Now, he has flown many times before, but I guess he wanted to double-check, and honestly, it is nice to be needed for something once in awhile.

It made me realize that while he thinks he is grown-up, there is still a little bit of my boy there inside. He blew in like a whirlwind, and was out of here by Sunday evening. We basically saw him Thursday night, some on Friday, and then for about 3 hours on Sunday. Last night, Steve and I were talking about Andrew and his possibilities for summer jobs, and studying abroad next fall, and Steve said, "He amazes me with his follow through on research." Yes, we are finding that Andrew is like a dog with a bone when he latches onto an idea and gets excited. It is incredible to see how college is developing him.

He really is a passionate kid. His thoughts and emotions run deep, and while he is introverted, if you hit the right topic, he's right there with you, toe to toe, offering up intellectual insight, facts that he has memorized from who only knows where, and opinions that have been gelling in his introspective and multi-faceted mind. He is my Comic Book boy, but he is also my boy who has movie lines, music lyrics, anecdotes, and scripture memorized like nobody's business. 

As an preschooler, he was the one I couldn't find because he would have decided he was tired and put himself down for a nap. In elementary school, he was the compassionate, quiet child, always seeing an unmet need of another student and meeting it.  He was the student who always wore a belt with his jeans and loved his shirt tucked in, and wasn't afraid to wear cowboy boots with shorts. He's had his own style defined for quite some time, and he's confident enough to go with his gut at any given moment.

He takes a long time to reach a decision, but once it is made, you'd sooner climb Niagara Falls than change his mind. Oh, the things I have learned from this child! He makes me laugh, he makes me think, he makes me question life, he makes me cry, he makes me marvel, and yes, he has been known to make me yell. 

My boys are 16 months apart, and so when they were little, Steve and I tag-teamed them. For obvious reasons, I had the younger one, and I have so many fond memories of this little boy resting his head on my shoulder, needing to be loved. That same little boy would climb on my lap, hold my hand, seek me out in a crowd, checking on me to make sure I was okay.

I know, though at 6'2" he towers over me now, he is still that same little person inside - that same confident, quirky, sensitive, compassionate, intelligent, and opinionated child. And I'm so glad to be blessed as his mother. I think he's awesome. Each and every day. Most of those days are spent 804 miles away from me now. And when I am lucky enough that he is here with me, I get to be reminded of how incredible he is, and always has been. And that is awesome, too.

Awesome ~ Andrew Turns 18 ~ August 2013



Sketch Credit: Scrapbook Generation
Paper: Simple Stories
Title Font: Collegiate

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Auld Lang Syne



Why DO the years get faster as you get older? Here we are on the first day of another new year and with this one, I mark the "one year anniversary" of going public with my blog, of trying to intentionally regularly blog, of sharing for the first time ever in a public way my stories, of being courageous in my writing. I don't know if you know this personally from your own experience, but there is never a time or a moment when I write that I feel it is good enough, engaging, or even good. So, sharing is courageous. I have slogged through the first year, have zero more confidence than when I started, and still maintain that every time I bang something out on the keyboard that it could be better, that it isn't entertaining enough, and that there is little value in what I write. 

I don't say all of that for a pity party, or for a barrage of ensuing encouragement, but I say that to share simply the heart of what goes on behind the white page, and to say that even with the reality of those emotions, I am content to keep trying. What I have discovered over this past year is that it is enough for me to try, that there is enough satisfaction in my own heart over my efforts, and that while I do not always feel worth in my efforts, that I do have joy in the process and in the finished product.

Most importantly, thank you for being part of the journey. Thank you for being part of the joy. Thank you being part of the process. I pray that somehow something I have shared has enriched your life, reminded you of your purpose, inspired you to press on, revealed a deeper meaning, recalled to your own mind a memory, given power to your own story. 

As I look ahead, peering around the corner at the blank canvas of 2015, my heart is full of equal parts of contentment and uncertainty. When a year finishes, it is always remarkable to reflect back on it, to savor each moment, to recall the highs, to ponder the lows, to contrast the historic reality to the perceived expectation. I would say that 2014 was better than expected in many ways. We survived the emptying nest. We managed to adjust. We found good. We created new routines. We found, or recreated, joy and meaning to a table for two. 

But, as I look at 2015, I can predict none of what it holds. It does not owe me any promises. There are no big red letter dates circled for me on it already. It will be our first year - January to December - where both boys are in school full-time, and that is an assumption in and of itself. I am old enough to know that anything could change at any given moment. I am hopeful that I can adapt to what the year holds, that there are good and happy times ahead, that we are all kept safe and well and whole. I pray us all enough for the coming 364 days.

While my own life has changed over 2014 in major and minor ways (job change, weight loss, emptying nest), I am sure that your world has had its own set of changes. I think that as all things have changed and will continue to change, I find in myself an increased longing for the constancy of family. One bright moment in 2014 was my son's graduation party, and the presence of my brother at the party. It was a tender and sweet moment for my parents, my three siblings, and I to all be together for a few hours. 

I don't see my brother very often. He has three younger children and they are in many and various activities. He leads a full and busy life five hours south of me. What I do love about seeing him is that time never robs us of our connection. He and I go way back. Way back. Growing up, in our early single digit years, he and I shared a bedroom for a few years. I can still chuckle this day when I recall what an utter perfectionist he was at procrastinating on cleaning up anything. Mother sat on his bed many times, urging him to clean his room with the presence of the spanking tool. I am not certain he cleans any faster today than he did 40 years ago, but I do know that he is still impishly charming, incredibly funny, a gifted storyteller, a brother that cares deeply for me, and that he is a good and honest man. 

It has been seven years since they were here with us for New Years. We had the complete pleasure of having he, his wife, and his three children here for the holiday. It was in the waning months of my stay at home years, when in reality every day for me was a holiday and New Years Eve and Day on a Monday, Tuesday was no concern, and toward that end, entertaining was then so much easier. My house was picked up and clean and regularly devoid of piles of unattended mail and unfolded laundry. I love to entertain, as does Steve, and that is one of my working regrets. I feel that work crowds out my entertaining heart. 

But, in that moment, as we welcomed in 2008, we had five guests, and the world was as bright for all of us as as the sun on that New Years' day when we walked to the park. It was a wonderful relaxing holiday. I made snowflake sugar cookies for my nieces to enjoy, we played games, we enjoyed meals, we were together, and we shared stories.  We were simply embracing each other and taking in the holiday and all the hope and joy it can hold. 

Even though I don't see him very often, he is always on my mind and in my heart. I think that is the point of the traditional New Year's song Auld Lang Syne. We pause, we reflect, we ponder, we remember. Auld lang syne translates to times gone by, and it is our call each new year to remember the old, as we greet the new.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot

And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot

And auld lang syne

For auld lang syne, my dear

For auld lang syne

We'll take a cup o' kindness yet

For auld lang syne
Wherever you are on this day, may your heart be light, your day relaxing, your hope renewed and your memories held dear. Enjoy the new year, and cherish the times gone by. Happy New Year to you, and blessings to you and yours for a happy, healthy, peaceful, and prosperous 2015.

Happy New Year ~ Grady & the Fam ~ New Years Day 2008






Sketch Credit: Scrapbook Generation
Paper: Fancy Pants
Title Stickers: Doodlebug

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Wise Men Still Seek Him

For whatever reason, I am into music. And I am into Christmas. And yes, I am into Christmas music. I remember playing the few Christmas LP's we had growing up, placing the special vinyl discs onto the turntable after carefully moving the decorative crystal pieces off the TV console, placing them carefully on the ground, to open the turntable lid. Perry Como "Home for the Holidays" is the Christmas album I recall the most. I guess my mama was trying to program us early to come back home for Christmas. She succeeded for the most part. 

Over time, of course, we have seen the vinyl give way to the unmanageable 8-track tape, which thankfully moved on to the cassette tape, and then has rested for over thirty years on the CD-rom. While my oldest son believes the truest sound quality comes from the CD-rom {it's all about that bass}, you can even buy the MP3 now. I don't know what will be next, since we are already buying invisible music on that MP3. I will tell you, though, there's something about slipping that vinyl from the sleeve with solemn revere, and trying to get that needle to set down just right and proper upon it to begin that sweet flow of melody.

While I have seen the music morph, I have collected it all the while. My college years saw me making cassette tape mixes of holiday music, needing some to call my own since I was 10 hours away from Perry Como. And while I was going to be going home from college for the holidays, I wanted that Christmas music in early December, too. I would imagine that my first year of working after college - you know that first year with a paycheck! - that I purchased some cassette tapes. I recall vividly ordering a 3-pack of Christmas cassettes that Time Life offered on TV. They are nestled down in my music drawer still. Thankfully, though, most of my Christmas music is in CD form. By the time I started working in 1986, and we married in 1987, the CD was well established after its 1982 debut.

I have a Christmas Eve tradition. I get the house all picked up on Christmas Eve Eve, and on the morning of Christmas Eve, while the boys are sleeping, and Steve has crept off to work in the early early pre-dawn hours, I brew my coffee, and sit on my couch with my favored Christmas mug of snickernut coffee, and play my Christmas music, and just sit and enjoy my tree, as it lights up the room long before the sun appears. It is one of my favorite times - to be still and calm and peaceful. To reflect on the gifts in my heart, to ponder, to treasure, to remember the year past, to contemplate the coming year, to just soak in the season as it reaches its culminating peak.

I have wondered for awhile if I could narrow it down to having just one favorite Christmas song. It would be hard. I have memories of singing these songs over my life span with friends, with siblings, with my children, with choirs at various churches, with Steve. My sister Pattie stands out in particular when I hear "Mele Kelikimaka", as she really enjoyed singing that growing up. Karen Carpenter anything reminds me of so many Black Friday escapades with my mom and my two sisters. "Sleigh Ride" finds me playing french horn in the annual high school Christmas concert. I think of Christmas Eve service, and all the luminaries in the sanctuary, when "Silent Night" rolls into the mix. I recall the boys' Christmas programs and cupcake fingers when "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" prances into the speakers. 

51 Albums, 533 Songs, 30 hours, 56 minutes. My Holiday genre in iTunes as it stands today. Love it. I don't think there is a year, though, where I am not buying another album, so it is an organic compendium with a life its own. I start playing it usually the day after Thanksgiving and go until the New Year. I love the variety of the songs and how they span memories of fifty years of my life. One tender moment last August when my oldest child left the nest, "Mom, I need some of your Christmas music, " as he, too, anticipated the wanting of the Christmas carols in his dorm, preceding his own trek home for the holidays.

But, I do have a favorite song. It's "O Holy Night". Luciano Pavarotti, The Carpenters, Sara Groves, Donny Osmond, Nat King Cole, Faith Hill, Selah, Tony Bennett, Josh Groban, Celene Dion, Jackie Evancho all shuffle through my play list and no matter what I am doing, or which one of these artists is singing it, this song always stops me in my tracks and resonates deeply within me. It's a hard song to perform, and so often doesn't make the Christmas Eve service cut which is geared toward congregational participation, but it is the one that encapsulates most clearly to me the Reason for the season.
O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born;
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
O'er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,
Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friends.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
I love the related and consequential Christmas sentiment, "Wise men still seek Him." It was one such thought that had us driving south on a dark cold December night to Waxahachie. It's about 65 miles from us. I had heard about a live nativity that a church put on, but it was more than a live nativity - it was a recreation on a small scale of the town of Bethlehem. We are limited on when we can do things in December, and as luck would have it, the night that we could actually go to Waxahachie was one of those rare, windy, bitter cold nights in North Texas. We bundled up as best we could and set out to find the Star over the manger, the little town of Bethlehem.

The photos themselves are not spectacular. I struggle in low light situations still. {Maybe when I grow up I can be a good low light photographer. ;-) } But the night was so special, and we have never repeated this event, so they are all I have. One night, 4 seekers, 3 wise men, 1 manger, 1 star, 1 baby. It was a delight to walk through the stations of the birth, from the religious leaders denunciating the event, to the wise men on real camels with gifts, to the shepherds watching their flocks of real sheep, to the dark hovel with the one bright star, announcing the virgin birth, the Christ child.

It didn't last long. The event was an at-your-leisure tour, so as we ambled our way along the paths, we took it all in and finished up, and headed to search out the nearest Starbucks and a warm drink. I couldn't tell you if the boys really recall this night. I am not sure Steve would ever be willing to drive again to it. But, I remember it still. I wonder what it was really like 2,000+ years ago. I wonder if the Star were to appear today if anyone would really notice it. I think about Mary raising a son she knew was not really hers. I ponder all this in my heart.

And when I sit and stare at my tree and listen to my music, I know in my heart that wise men still seek Him, and the bright Star of shining hope is our beacon in the dark night of our heart, the Light that gives us hope, that makes this truly the most wonderful time of the year.

Oh Little Town of Bethlehem ~ Waxahachie Nativity ~ December 2009


Sketch Credit: Scrapbook Generation
Paper: Authentique
Title: Silhouette cut file