Game On

We worked in our garage last weekend, on what were, I believe, the last two hot days of the year. Isn't that how it can go sometimes? The garage organization is really the last big piece to fall into place at the new house. In 2017, I stumbled onto a blog post that showed using The Container Store elfa System and fell in love with it. It then became a cat and mouse game of getting it designed and waiting for their fall sale that offers the discount on installation as well as the elfa shelving. We got to the purchase point and then installation day came and went, and we were left to work in the garage on our days off to get all of the items put into their new home. And oh my mercy, do I love my new garage storage system, or what? I may have gone out and just stared at it a few days this week.

But sometimes the getting to where you want to be from where you are involves a little blood, sweat, and tears. In this garage organization project, surprisingly, it involved two of the three. If I bled, I don't remember it. See, sitting in my garage, waiting to be gone through and dealt with for years now, were about 5 bins of memorabilia. These bins of memorabilia were in our last garage, so it's not like I haven't been avoiding the obvious for years now. But, right sizing the house has us dealing with things that a big expansive home can hide and handle. Less square footage? You prioritize and deal, and purge and divest. 

And while Steve triaged the bins of actual items to stay in the garage and sorted out what was already quasi-organized into a seasonal sort of semblance, I sat with my bum knee, and he would bring me bins to go through. I think one bin held both 4K and 12th grade for my oldest son, and some years in between. That bin was certainly one to go through. Not only did I deal with school and art work, I dealt with years and years of Christmas cards. It's amazing how the range of emotions can be connected to seeing a card from a long deceased aunt, or  neighbors from 1999, or high school friends from the 1980's. 

And while I sat in that hot, steamy garage working through all of these pieces of paper and the memories and emotions associated with them,  I actually had moments of just recalling and remembering our various homes and our various garages. Quite candidly I will advise you - never go from a home with a three car garage to a home with a two car garage! Those three car garages spoil you! We have had attached garages, detached garages, the old house in McAllen with NO garage {this was the worst!}; all of the garages were two car garages, with our prior home being the exception with that beautiful third bay. 

Some of these garages held two cars, and not much more. Some of these garages held tricycles and that battery operated Jeep the boys were so cute riding around in. Some of these garages held bicycles that we used to condition ourselves for the walking on our first trip to Walt Disney World. Some of these garages held ski equipment and golf equipment and lots of tools, all seldom used, but somewhat necessary to hang onto. And one of these garages momentarily held a ping pong table.

I will confess that I love giving surprises. I love giving what is on a wish list, but I like to throw in a little extra. And one year I got the brilliant idea that the boys should get a ping pong table for Christmas. This was exactly what they needed as a surprise gift! And ever the adoring husband, he supported my surprise. I envisioned lots of ping pong games, and laughter, and time together. The boys were still in middle school, and we were often the gathering place for their friends. This would be perfect, yes?

Well, in the mayhem that followed Christmas Day, we didn't get around to putting it together until New Years Eve {and by we I mean they}. ;-) And at the time, the only place it would fit was in the garage. It was a fun evening. I remember it was, of course, cold in the garage, but the boys were interested and helpful to their dad and the three of them quickly got it put together. 

They were funny to watch play. Steve and I both come from families that love to game and compete, and win. Competitiveness is bred into our sons, I guess. I especially love the grimace I caught on Philip's face in the photo on the right. Seems like he might have just been bested on that shot, or was working up some fierce serve. We played off and on that New Years Eve, and after Steve's schedule settled down, the ping pong table made its way up to the boys' retreat. It dominated the room. The boys at this point had taken over the family media room and watched their TV and movies and gamed in there, so the ping pong table commandeering their retreat was fine.

I didn't expect the ping pong table to be such a flop though. It was. It was a catch all for things. The electronics' siren call dominated the time, and it wasn't often that you could hear the cadence of the ball going back and forth, and ultimately bounding onto the hardwood floor and skittering around. Unretrieved ping pong balls became the cat's toys, and were often accidentally squished under the size 12 shoes that bounded around up there. If someone did want to play, it was hard to find those ping pong balls that had been neglected and more than likely squished.

Sometimes you try something and it isn't what you expect, or it doesn't turn out like you planned. When I was younger, guessing incorrectly would have bothered me more. While this ping pong table reality didn't leave up to my fantasies about it, it's no big deal. The times we used it and had fun with it were worth the hassle and inconvenience of carting it upstairs, and ultimately back down. 

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. You can never know until you try. And if modeling anything to my sons was paramount, it was that it was okay to try new things. And succeed. Or fail. It was okay to adapt and adjust. And in life, you sometimes need to just roll up your shirtsleeves and try. You might win or you might lose, but you get one shot at this thing called life. You may as well go for it. Game on.

Ping Pong ~ Garage Gaming ~ December 31, 2009 

Sketch Credit: Scrapbook Generation

Paper: Simple Stories

Title: Silhouette cut file

You Do Not Find the Happy Life, You Make It

I used that Thomas Monson quote on my February 25, 2016 blog post, and didn't realize at the time that I would blow up my plans 3 days later and start from scratch. I didn't realize or have any way of knowing just how busy I would be in 2016 making, or constructing and building, that happy life.

Today we hit the 10 week mark of being in our new home! Most days I pinch myself, just to see if it's real. I am thrilled with how it turned out, satisfied with the unpacking pace, and eager to embrace 2017 and find our new normal life again. I got my car into the garage on Sunday, so that truly means we are in and just about all done unpacking, right? ;-) 

This time last year, we stood on a slab in full despair of ever seeing "our dream house" begin. Who knew this time last year that we would turn our world upside down by canceling that contract on February 28, 2016, extend the agony of building, and that I would post quarterly on this blog, vs. my ideal (dream) goal of weekly? Like I have said many times since February 2016, sometimes God shatters your dream to give birth to a bigger and better dream. Yes, yes He does.

I haven't photographed our new home much yet, because we still haven't got everything on the walls, and there's one more piece of furniture I want to reupholster, and there's a box in our bedroom, and the study lacks its built-in cabinets, and the list goes on and on. ;-) But, the holidays are behind me, my oldest son came and went in a Thanksgiving and Christmas swirl, and is now back in Nashville in his last semester of college, the Christmas rush is through and the decorations are put away, the unpacking frenzy is for all intents and purposes finished, and I can sit at my worktable in Scrap Central and breathe. And think. And ponder. And itch to create. And print photos. And cut paper. It feels so good to have a spot again, albeit an unfinished spot. And I am excited for all of the story telling I can accomplish in 2017. 

But before I head fully into a new year in our new home, I wanted to share with you all my layouts I created in June and July of 2016 that documented our old home. I only completed 99 layouts in 2016, the lowest amount of scrapbook pages I've ever done since beginning to scrapbook in 1994. Out of those 99, these are my favorites by far. These photos, these memories, these layouts were so instrumental in helping me hold together my sanity in the dog days of summer 2016 in the hot, cramped, dark apartment. And they pay homage to our beautiful old home, they document her splendor, they let me say goodbye properly to her, and ultimately they open the door for me to fully embrace our new home, and all the story telling it will cultivate, and all the memories it will create. 

Yes, you do not find the happy life, you make it. One day at a time, one story at a time, one decision at a time, one moment at a time. And once you make it, hang on to it, and embrace it. Hello beautiful new home, hello crisp new year, goodbye old home, goodbye 2016.

There's No Place Like Home ~ June 2015 ~ Remembering Murphy Manor

Sketch Credit: Scrapbook Generation

Paper: October Afternoon, Simple Stories

Title Fonts: Ballerina Script

Perfect Collection + Super Savers

One of the story prompts from the Lisa Bearnson 50 Moments book that I mentioned in my last post is about "the last time you learned anything." When Maria posted that prompt to work from, I'll be honest and confess that it didn't really speak to me, and I passed for now on making a layout from that prompt. For one, I'm in some ways constantly learning something, and in other ways it feels like I'm not really discovering anything new. Know what I mean? For instance, I'm constantly struggling to stay abreast of technology, and Google something almost every day, but I don't feel that a new idea has sparked my brain for awhile. Especially in scrapbooking! I mean, I've been scrapping for 21 1/2 years! 

And then last night I was looking through some layouts I need to put away, and I realized that the concept that I used to make these layouts was new to me, and I did learn something, and I stretched myself in a new way. Grab a cup of coffee and let me show you.

Now, since we are coffee sipping, soul sharing, scrapbook loving sisters, I need to tell you a secret. But you have to promise not to tell, and you have to promise to still be my friend after I tell you. ;-) There is a certain prolific and well known scrapper that many, many people love, and she is so popular the she is also a super hero kind of scrapper and she's so famous that she's also been in the Olympic opening ceremonies. She's cute as a button, and she does wonderful work, but it's just not work to my taste, and I've just never jumped on the fan bandwagon. I'll peek at her stuff every now and again, but I'm not big on glitter after all, and so there. I'll say it. I'm not atwitter over Miss Glitter.

But, you're never too old to learn, yes? So many of my scrappy peeps have taken and loved Shimelle Lane's Perfect Collection class. I've watched them post their results, and I've oohed and aahed over their beautiful pages, but I never had an interest in the concept, or in taking the actual class. I studied their finished pages, and even the corresponding Perfect Collection cutting guide, but I just would not tiptoe in to the murky waters. {It's all the layering of the paper, and the fact that they are all predominantly single page layouts that holds me back, personally. Again, lovely work. Just not my style, per se.} From what I gather, having not purchased Shimelle's class, the premise behind the class, if I may, is that you take an entire collection pack of patterned paper, and {brace yourself for the horror}, you cut the whole thing up according to her cutting guide that you can download, irrespective of {and in advance of making} any planned layouts. And then you have all these piles of cut up patterned paper that you begin to cobble together to fashion into layouts.

Whew. That's so much to process! Typing it up is just as hard as my imagining doing it! ;-) Well, after watching my scrappy peeps go through this class together a couple of times, I was more intrigued, but still unconvinced. Until Heather shared her adaptation of Shimelle's concept. Heather makes "base pages". She, rather than cutting up the paper without a plan, cut into the pack with a purpose. She cut up the whole collection, layout by layout. And she shared her amazing "base pages". And my wheels really started churning!

And so I took Heather's idea - and here's my 50 Moments what I learned lightbulb - I could make this concept all my own! I could take a whole collection, and marry it with my wheelhouse, my go-to style: I could use some sketches by Scrapbook Generation! I could cut up the paper according to some selected sketches and, like Heather, map out my layouts as I went along, versus just random cutting. Now, I was interested, and intrigued, and excited! My first introduction to Scrapbook Generation sketches was back in January 2010 when I purchased two of their books. Shortly after that, I subscribed to their Super Sketch Club, and it's been a long lasting love affair ever since. 

As I puzzled with the concept of how to cut apart an entire collection, and how to marry it with some SG sketches, I had the idea to go to previous months' Super Sketch Club sketches. {Always keep those sketches!} Now, if you are not familiar with the Scrapbook Generation Super Sketch Club, it is a monthly subscription to a brilliant cellophane bag of paper and sketches - patterned paper and cardstock to make 5 double page layouts, based on the included 7 sketches. The Super Sketch Club has each month a Super Saver component, and then two other double layouts, one designed by Debbie and one designed by Allison. You get a sampling of three lines of paper between it all, and the supplies to churn out 10 completed pages when using their sketch instructions. The true genius in the Super Saver kit component is that you will get THREE double layouts from THREE sheets of paper, hence the super saver name. ;-) 

So, for years I've had exposure to and experience with cutting up 3 pieces of paper at a time and cobbling it into layouts. For the record, when I do cut up my Super Saver kits, I always lay the cardstock out as a base, and as I follow the directions for Layout 1, Layout 2, and Layout 3, I set the corresponding cut papers onto the cardstock base that will become that layout. So, what's not to love about multiplication?! I could take this method for cutting 3 sheets of paper and cut up 12! Yes? Yes! So, I thought I would share how I did this and perhaps pay it forward on the inspiration. As Ginny and Janet and Heather inspired me, maybe I could inspire you. Maybe something I share, or something I did, will get you ready to try this. I loved it so much that I am already dying to do it again.

Step One: Pick your paper. I went with the topic of Christmas because first of all, I have a million Christmas photos that need to be scrapped, and second, I have almost that many pieces of Christmas patterned paper. I felt the risk level was low here, since I wouldn't be cutting into anything rare, and I felt like the opportunity for success was high, since I had a broad myriad of Christmas photos to pick from. Also, I felt like since there are so many Christmas ideas and embellishments available, I would have on hand the tools needed to make any layout look polished and finished by the end.

I chose Authentique's Believe. I just adore this paper. Adore.

Step Two: Pick your plan. Use Shimelle's cutting guide if that is your style, or pick some sketches you can work from, or if you are a Super Saver subscriber, dust off those old sketches and find some that will work. Personally, I studied all the photos from the Super Saver photo downloads, and found three months that I thought offered layout styles that would work for Christmas: January 2015, February 2015, and November 2015. I picked 8 of the 9 layouts from these 3 months to complete. I knew I would also complete one single page layout with the "big background" paper in the collection.

After I had my sketches selected, I then assigned certain sheets of the Authentique Believe papers to become the papers on the sketches, three sheets of paper per sketch set. I didn't study too long, but I did assign my "stripe" to be the plaid and then I looked for opposite colorings, for instance going red and green, vs. red and red. For most of the assigning and cutting phase, I had cardstock spread all over the apartment to "catch" the paper that was assigned to that layout. If you make some notes on your sketches, and go slowly, this part is not too confusing.

My friend Ginny suggested a great place to start cutting, when you are overwhelmed, or not sure where to begin, is to remove the branding strips from the paper. Brilliant! An easy start. And how fun is it to see all those branding strips relegated to a discard pile. Instant progress!

These are the sheets of paper that I pulled that did not get assigned to a sketch, but were set to the side to use later in the finishing phases:

• The big background paper for a single page layout.
• The red circle paper that I knew I would circle punch for a border across the bottom half of one of the double page layouts.
• The tan Christmas trees for filler and balance as needed.
• The cut aparts. I cut them all apart and had them on hand to pull in as needed. I'm not big on these being my only title, so I didn't end up using too many of them. The backside was a boring blue, so I didn't plan to use it anyway.
• The sticker sheet that came with the collection. I knew this would come in handy later!
• The scraps left over after I cut. I knew these would become some strips here and there on the other layouts. (Also see close up shot in the second photo.)

Step Three: Begin cutting! As I mentioned, given Heather's concept, I cut with a purpose. I cut each Super Saver set together, and cut per each sketch's instructions. I set each paper on top of the cardstock so I could really see my layouts coming together. I had also printed out letter size black and white copies of the Super Saver photos, and I set that down on the cardstock, too, to help me visualize the end result - and to keep me on track! {I have blurred the details of the Super Saver photos out of respect to Scrapbook Generation and their copyrights.} It didn't take long for me to SEE that this idea would work and the time spent "apportioning", or delegating, papers to sketches was time well spent for me!

Step Four: Adhere your paper, and paper only! This is where you will tape down all of your papers, creating the "canvas" of your layout upon which you will drop your photos. Remember, at this point, you haven't even selected or touched photos! This process is all layout/paper driven! This step went fairly fast. And used a lot of ATG tape. ;-) You could definitely now see the bones of the layouts and the hard part at this point is over!!

Step Five: Add photos. Not much explanation needed here. I personally had the photo suggestions from the Super Saver sketches that I used, and I tweaked them slightly as needed to get my photos to match up with the sketch's foundation. This is a really fun phase, because you can really finally see the full vision for your layouts! And what a lovely stack it will be! {Some of these photos might be slightly askew. Apartment winter photographing is a little challenging.}

Step Six: Embellish and journal! This is the very fun part and this is where you might stall! Don't! Finish strong! A big pile of goodness waits for you! I love, love, love how they all turned out. They stretched me from beginning to end in the process, but it was a wonderful learning experience!

~ Christmas Pajamas ~

~ 'Tis the Season to be Jolly ~

~ White Christmas ~

~ Joy and Family ~

 ~ Home for the Holidays ~

 ~ The Best Holiday Presents are the Memories ~

~ Christmas Cheer ~

~ A Merry Little Christmas ~

{this layout was not get photographed in it's pre-photo phase}

~ Oh Christmas Tree ~

And just because you might be wondering, here is what was left over after it was all said and done. I started with 12 sheets of patterned paper, added in some Bazzill French Vanilla and Cardinal cardstock, added in 1 piece of the coordinating 6x6 paper pad, and then ended up with 17 completed pages, and this small pile of scraps, which is mostly extra cut aparts from the journaling card sheet of paper.

What I learned:

• Pick paper you love. You will get tired of it. But you can fall back in love with it when you are finished.
• Pick paper you have plenty of. You won't want to worry about cutting mistakes and not having enough to go the distance.
• Pick paper that complements some other paper you have, in case you get stuck, want a little extra flair, or need some extra element. 
• Don't be afraid of the big background pattern if your selected collection includes one.
• Set aside one or two sheets that you can fussy cut or punch for some coordinating pops of color.
• Working with one theme is simplistic and wonderful, because your same embellishments will work on all of the pages and you pull them out in one big batch.
• Vary your sketches to get horizontal and vertical photos. I felt like I did too many horizontal-only sketches when I was trying to pull photos to match the sketches.
• Commit to finishing. There were stages along the way where I hated how it was looking. But, it all worked out and I love where each layout ended. {There are still a couple I'd like to tweak and may yet add something.}
• Cut your titles in batches to save time. Vary how they look.
• Work across a span of years if you don't want an overflow of one single set of Christmas papers representing one year.
• Give yourself a deadline. You WILL get tired of all this stuff being out everywhere.

I'd have to say, when it's all said and  done, it is a perfect idea, and a super set of layouts. Where this all gets interesting is that I began my initial set of cuts on the Sunday of MLK weekend, I believe: January 17. And I finished the last step on the last layout on February 11. 17 pages in 26 days. {I did also work on other things in between.} The photo at the top of this post is my Expedit. As I finished a layout, I'd set it up there. Watching those cubes fill up was fun and it was wonderful to see the big picture of the completed process! I can't wait to try it again. I'm deliberating on another round of Christmas, or trying Fall or tackling Birthdays.

Headed to Happy

There is a guy at work that I sometimes see at the coffee bar. I give him the normal casual “Hello” or “How are you?” when our paths collide. The thing that I notice about him is that he always answers the second greeting the same way – “GREAT!” and honestly it sort of gets on my nerves. How can he be GREAT every day? I asked him once when he answered, “How is it that you always answer great?” to which he replied, “Because I am great every day, aren’t you?” I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, slowly turned my head, and replied, “No. I’m not always great. Some days I’m just good.” I think a lot about him when I am mulling over my days, taking the pulse on the good life, thinking about the day to day workaday world we live in. I guess I tend toward realism and pragmatism far too much. But, I’m okay with that.

I don’t mean to sound negative, or depressed, or down. I’m not really currently considering myself any of those. It’s just that I don’t think I’ll ever achieve “GREAT!” at the coffee bar at work! ;-) I will admit I have been thinking a lot lately about it all. I’ll also admit one year ago, you could not have made me believe that we would be living in an apartment right now, having sold our beautiful David Weekley home in Murphy, and that we would still be three or four months away from being back in a house of our own. I like to think most days that we are making the right move. Some days it is easier to believe that than others.

For all practical purposes, we are in a tough spot right now, or should I say an uncomfortable spot. {I know this isn't tough. It's just the brat in me getting weary.} The house was initially supposed to be finished “January or February” and folks, let’s face it. There are just a handful of days left in February, and today our house does not even have brick on the exterior, or drywall on the studs. It’s just a shell of what is to come – a glimpse of what it will be. And sometimes to see my dream, I have to squint just so, dig deep into my mind, and conjure up my Pinterest boards to even have a vision of what will be the final product. We aren’t getting into the house anytime soon, and we are sentenced to more days in the apartment. It’s frustrating. It’s isolating. It’s stressful. It’s annoying. It’s an inconvenience. It’s costing us money. It’s preventing us from having any company. It’s freaking out my dog. The end result – our dream – seems so far away.

We had a chance to FaceTime with Philip last night. About halfway through he said, “Y’all are just SO DOWN.” {Yes, yes we are. Right now we are.} It was really an adjustment for him, I think, to see us so down. See, not only is the building going slow, but there are mistakes. Yesterday we were to finally have a meeting with the General Manager, in the hopes of resolution and forward progress, and she came down with bronchitis and had to postpone the meeting. I had carried with me for a few days such high hopes of finally getting some things resolved and having the opportunity to keep the house progressing. When the meeting fell through, I just didn’t have anything left in me to summon up good, much less “GREAT!” I felt a little bad for our son, but at the same time I thought, “It’s okay for him to know that the struggle is real sometimes for all of us.” And I won’t apologize for being human and working my way through an ordeal.

But, I know I need to suck it up a little and keep my chin up. We have too many days left in the apartment to be so down every day. {I think we have more than 90 days left, but less than 120. I should stop counting.} I was reminded yesterday of this layout I completed a few weeks back. Sometimes our scrapping can be oh, so timely. Awhile back my friend Janet had shared 50 Moments - Scrapbook The Pages That Matter Most, a book by Lisa Bearnson. I was intrigued and promptly bought the book, with wonderful intentions. The boys graduating high school and my nest emptying pushed that book onto a shelf and the project to the back burner. I just didn’t get around to working on any of the story prompts until another friend Maria initiated a group challenge with my Peeps during 2016. Maria’s first prompt that she selected, serendipitously, was HAPPY. 

Oh, goodness. It immediately brought to mind a road trip from McAllen to Colorado that I took in 2002. On that trip, I drove through a town in Texas named Happy, and I remember really pondering - still to this day even 13 years later - the road sign that stated Happy was 6 miles away. I coined the phrase in my head “6 miles from Happy” and reflected - then and continually - on how many people can live so much of their lives just outside the boundaries of Happy. {Can you see where I’m headed here? Need that road map?} ;-) Well, when Maria shared that particular 50 Moments Happy prompt, I knew it was time to document this story. I just didn’t admit as I scrapped the story last month that I would need to force myself so completely to live inside it. The layout includes a quote that I really can’t shake off of my heart today, 

“Happiness isn’t something that depends on our surroundings. It’s something we make inside ourselves.” 

                      – Corrie Ten Boom

So many times we live waiting on the IF/WHEN scenario. I’ll be happy when….I’ll be successful when…I’ll be better when…And it goes on and on, in a circuitous infinite loop. I learned this lesson back in my 30’s. Taught it to my sons. Coined a phrase. “Choose joy. Because it is a choice.” All the times I retorted “Choose joy" to my sons are all coming back now to haunt me. OR, that phrase is coming back to renew me, to remind me, to refresh me. To give me hope. To help me hang on. I don’t want to live 6 miles from Happy. I want to live right smackdab in the big fat middle of Happy. No matter wherever Happy may be.

Yes, my life’s walls might temporarily be on hold. There may not be many picture perfect shots right now. The apartment lighting might be terrible. The neighbors might be loud and annoying. This is my {albeit temporary} Happy. I need to live out the truth that happiness isn’t something that depends on our surroundings. It’s something we make inside ourselves. In the spirit of looking at things from a better perspective, of having hope, of hanging on, here's a photo of where the house is today. 

"Of this be sure: you do not find the happy life, you make it."

- Thomas S. Monson

Here's to making our happy. 

I’m sorry I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus from blogging. I have continued scrapping. I just have been wallowing in my situation and avoiding writing. I’m going to aim to do better. Hang on. This year might be a bit bumpy, but we can still enjoy the ride. And remember I'm not aiming for "Great!" My course is headed to Happy.

Today is a Great Day to be Happy ~ 50 Moments ~ January 2016

Paper: Basic Simple Stories

Title: Silhouette Cut File

Gratitude and the Fullness of Life

Time is a funny thing. It has intervals, but cannot really be measured. It takes up space, and yet is invisible. It is priceless, and yet cannot be bought. As I recall the absolute swirl that November has been, I am humbled by this caretaker of our lives, this fickle and persnickety Father Time. He masters all and answers to none. And he marches on. One week ago today I spent my next to last day as a 50 year old. Two weeks ago today, Paris and all of Europe was normal. Three weeks ago today, my sister-in-law woke up at the age of 50 for the first time. Time is fleeting and fast, and is not sure beneath our step. 

As I pause in preparation for our national day of Thanksgiving in America, I ponder that this is the first year where neither of our sons will be home, and I ponder that this is the first year that my brother-in-law maneuvers his way through his first holiday without his life partner, and I ponder that we all live on a thin line, walking that fine wire between yes and no, today and tomorrow, here and gone.

Since turning 50 last November, I have lived in as much a state as humanly possible of awareness, of presence, of seizing moments, of living fully. As that year has slipped away and now vanished, I am not sure I was aware enough, present enough, captive enough. I don't know to what degree it is even attainable. I saw some photographs recently of Steve this time last year, fresh from the hospital, dealing with a stint, not well and the tell being in his eyes. I look at him closely each day, as if trying to view with my naked eye his insides and assess his health. I want there to be enough. I want there to be more. Of everything.

And yet time mocks me, letting me know that will never be the case, that it is impossible, that I am only given this day, this moment, this breath, this thought, this second. My sweet sister-in-law Susan knew that fully. Battling cancer, faced with obstacles daily in limits that varied, she chose joy and emitted hope. Up to hours before her surgery, one that would take her life ultimately, she looked death in the eye and was courageous and without fear, letting her hospital staff know she was in the best hands, the hands of the Great Physician. I cannot really shake the calm calculating reality of her unquenchable faith, in what would be seen by many as her darkest hour. But, I can try to attain to it, to grasp it, to nurture it. 

As I navigate my days, I think of life from Susan's perspective. Not in a morbid way, but in a way that sees each day as a gift. I think, ironically, of the Disney movie "Cinderella", the live action one. I think not of the pumpkin to carriage, but I think of the long suffering Ella, sleeping on cinders, serving stepsisters, smiling with her companions, showing joy and happiness amidst it all. I think of the scene where her own mother tells her goodbye, of admonishing young Ella to "have courage and be kind." And I see that paradigm as the lens through which Susan lived her last year and a half. While she battled cancer, she chose daily to have courage and be kind. We are so thankful that the cancer did not claim victory over her. We grieve immensely over the misfortune of her aortic dissection, but choose joy in that breaking of her heart as claiming her life versus the poisoned cells inside her. I think that is why Susan could sign "I love you" and wave goodbye as she lay there intubated -- she knew cancer was not winning, but that she was winning.

I read this scripture the night of her viewing, searching for some distraction from the ever present visual, seeking some encouragement from a faith that spans four decades:

 "Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God." - Colossians 3:1-3

I have gone through my days following her death in the normal fashion: work, leisure, sleep, repeat. But my mind has not really stopped processing her passing. I think of her loved ones - my family - left behind daily, praying incessantly for our healing and peace, for the holes in daily lives to fill over with joy and warm memories. But I think mostly of her looking down the barrel of the shotgun she faced, and staring it down unflinchingly. I think of the courage it took for her to acknowledge the need to say goodbye, and to be okay in saying it. I think of the gift of her signing I love you over and over to her family, a final message that could stand the test of time, and give heart to those fainting under the weight of grief. Yes, her mind was on things above.

I do not mean to be all macabre on this eve of counting our blessings. I mean it more than anything to be a message of intense hope, a message of counting the greatest blessing of all - of being sure of your salvation, of being surrounded by those you love, of being alive and present in this moment. Even though my boys are not here, and I am not in my home, or actually a house, I am more grateful this year than in any other previous November. Our hope is not fixed on this earth, but on things above, and toward that end, I look for gratitude in life, for gratitude in all things.

I found this quote today and wanted to share it:

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend."  -- Melody Beattie

My hope for you this Thanksgiving is that no matter where you are, no matter what you eat, no matter who you are with, may this day be a season of intense gratitude in your life, a moment where you can see that all good things are from above, that love has been lavished on you, that our hope is eternal. May you have a day where you remember all that has been done for you, and reflect on the fullness of your life. May the coming year be one where you have acceptance, order, clarity...and where you can see the abundance in your life, the overflowing goodness.

This layout shows our last Thanksgiving spent at Murphy Manor. We didn't know at the time that it would be our last Thanksgiving there. And here's the deal - we never know our last anything. Never. Take in the richness of this moment, and savor the blessings of the season. Look around you and see - you, too, have overflowing goodness in your life.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. Be blessed.

Overflowing Goodness ~ Thanksgiving ~ November 2014

Sketch Credit: Scrapbook Generation 
Paper: Basic Grey

Title Font: Rochester

My Little Punkin Head

I think Steve and I have adapted fairly well to both boys spreading their wings and launching to college campuses that are 600+ miles from home. I think we really have. I love that he and I have time together, and I am naturally one to crave peace and quiet. Goodness knows we have both of those now in plenty. All in all, life is fairly good presently for all four of us, and we are all enjoying where life's path currently has us placed. I will say, though, that it is hard on me to miss celebrating my April birthday boy's big day with him on the day. Oh, yes, I am that girl. I believe in a birthday day. I was raised with it. Growing up, it meant we had a chore free day that started with being sung to in bed, and it ended with a home-cooked family meal around the formica table that was one of our choosing. Good times, those childhood birthdays. 

As I grew up, I was for the evolution of the birthday day to a birthday week, which gave way to a birthday month. Oh, the birthday month is only in my head. Dear hubby won't play along with it. {I guess I am already far too big of a brat for his indulgence.} ;-) But, birthday month nonetheless do I have. And my Philip ascribes to the birthday month notion as well. It is nice to not be the only one in the family as such. :-) So now this April birthday boy of mine has turned twenty and twenty-one without me, celebrating his day in Nashvegas among his college friends.  Without me there to celebrate with him. He ought to be ashamed. ;-) It's just another measurable moment that gives proof to his emerging adulthood. 

This past April, that little adorable baby boy of mine turned the big twenty-one. Now, our sons enjoy our company, but when it got down to it, it just didn't seem like us visiting him on campus that weekend would be how he would want to celebrate his big day. Steve and I are not that hip. ;-) So, we sent Andrew from Denver to Nashville in our stead. Andrew doesn't have Friday class anyway, so he flew over on Thursday evening and was there on the big birthday day, on Friday, April 10, when Philip Edward turned twenty-one. 

He's a long way from that little punkin head now, isn't he? Somehow both of my tow-headed blonde little boys turned into redheads. Redheaded young men with big red beards. Yes, he is older, and yes, every day is a gift. It has been my absolute joy and pleasure to have a front row seat in the metamorphosis of little blonde Philip to big tall red-headed Philip. 

There are parts of him that have remained constant throughout his life, the chief component being his strong and undying affection for all things Star Wars. He was collecting the little figures before he could even properly pronounce them, and somewhere in storage right now are the remnants of his Star Wars Micro Machine collection, including the big Death Star. He has always been a reader. He has always been a gamer. He has always loved traditions. He has always loved for the four of us to be together. He has always laughed heartily at the antics of his brother. He has always loved animals. He has always been quick to smile, and quick to frown, ever expressive, letting us know quickly and easily where he stood on things. He has always loved fruit and sweet drinks, travel and adventure, trying new things, and having some stay at home downtime.

He is developing an affinity for photography. He secretly nurses the skill of writing. He yearns for a life of purpose. I cannot see past the curve in the earth, and neither can he, and so we wait expectantly to see how his life fully unfolds, and to see what fork in the road God will lead him to. It is such a gift for me to continue to see him grow, even though physically he won't get any taller. His growth now will predominantly be on the inside, as he continues to be molded by life choices and his burgeoning adulthood personal decisions.

If I could wish anything for him, it would be to live in his skin comfortably, to own completely all of his gifts, and to set about to use them with the greatest purpose imaginable. I feel like he can do this. I feel like he will do this. And I aim to sit and watch and enjoy the show for as long as possible. We had an absolutely wonderful time celebrating his birthday during our May family vacation. I know that our time together is less frequent than any of us would like, but I am forever grateful that we do all enjoy being together, and that we have such fun together. It may have been his birthday, but celebrating it together in May was my gift.

Look who's 21! My little punkin head, that's who. Happy Birthday, Philip. Thank you for being a gift in 1994, and every day of your life since then. 

Look Who Is 21 ~ Philip's Birthday ~ April 2015 ~ as seen in CREATE by Scrapbook Generation

This layout was featured in the September issue of Create by Scrapbook Generation which can be seen here on their website. 

Sketch Credit: Scrapbook Generation 

Paper: Carta Bella, Jillibean Soup, We R Memory Keepers

Chipboard: Cosmo Cricket

Stickers: Simple Stories